Straight Questions

Coming out to your friends and family, those closest to you, is always very difficult. I was thinking today about how I came out to them and the questions they asked. It seemed like most of my friends had the same set of questions which is curious to me. It makes me wonder if all straight people wonder about the same things when it comes to gays. I have talked in depth with a few of my closest friends about what it is like to be gay and how I knew. Here are some of the most asked questions and my answers:

Q: When did you know you were gay?

A: This question was very curious to me when I was first asked and I think that was because I couldn't put a date on it. I think I have always known. I can remember being very little and feeling different. I did not play with boys. I always wanted to be where the girls were. Anytime I played house in my early elementary school years I was the dad. I didn't really think too much of this until I started writing in college. Now, it just makes me laugh. I guess I have always felt better fulfilling that role. I honestly believe I was born this way. I was born gay. I'm not sure if there is actually a lesbian gene and there are a lot of other theories out there. I just believe I have always been gay.

Q: How does being attracted to girls work?

A: Yes. My best friend did indeed ask me this. After I contained my laughter, I gave her an answer. It took me a little while to understand why she would ask this but then I realized my best friend is possibly the straightest person I have ever met. She has no concept of being gay just like I have no concept of being straight. SO...here is my answer: It works the same way as is does being attracted to guys. When you check out a guy walking down the street I do the same to the girl walking next to him. It is really no different.

Q: Are you happy?

A: This question was the easiest for me to answer. When I came out to my friends and accepted myself for who I really am I was very happy. I am happy being true to myself. It is not always easy to be gay and deal with this lifestyle and all of the stereotypes and misconceptions but I would not be happy any other way. When I accepted myself a peace came over me and I am a much happier person because of it.

Q: Does that mean you always faked it with a guy?

A: This question is difficult for me to answer. There was a time in my life that men made me happy. I was nearly engaged once. However, every time I was with a guy a certain portion of my feelings were forced. I ALWAYS tried too hard to be happy with men. Sexually, I never felt good being with guys. Giving head always felt unnatural to me. I never really had any physical chemistry with any guy I tried to be with. I really think I just didn't know any better because I had never been with a girl. (The first time I was with a girl was the most natural thing I have ever done by the way.) I am what you might call a "gold star" lesbian. I have never actually had intercourse with a guy. It's not that I never had the opportunity either; I simply just couldn't do it. At that moment when it was up to me to say yes or no I always had a knee jerk reaction that caused me to say no. I could not let myself have sex with a guy. I always said I wasn't ready. It's not that I ever faked it with a guy because I have had genuine feelings for guys; it's just that I was never content with a guy. I could never be happy forever or stay interested long enough to make a commitment.